Changing it up

The old notion that you are what you eat has manifested into something further for me over the last couple of weeks. I am changing it up in this household; it may take some time and some getting used to, but change is a coming. I will be getting rid of most of my mainstream products in this house. The fragrance soaps, perfumes, detergent, deodorant, makeup, nail-polish and who knows what else. In the last couple of weeks spending time with one of my best friends I have learned a lot & I am on board her train. She woke me up in away that is going to get us back to basics for our overall health and wellness. Now when I enter a store I will be reading the labels of what chemicals I am willing to lather up in, lotion up with and put on. The big C scares me enough and I know that I have the power to be the change for this home. I want to not only be better for my family, I want to be the example for my daughter who someday will be shopping for a family of her own, and you do as you see.

Life and Death

This has really been at the forefront for me in the last couple of weeks. I have been with one of my closest friends over the last couple of weeks who has experienced the loss of her Father. It was a tragic unexpected loss and shook this family to the core. He was the kind of Man that you could have a brief conversation with and be considered a friend. He was larger than life in his kindness and generosity, but understated and humble at the core of his character. I knew him at a very young age and I believe he truly shaped the woman I know today. He was instrumental in a way that allowed her to be strong, mindful, independent and most of all the kind of friend everyone wish they had. The time we spent together over the last couple of weeks spoke to the true meaning of life in death in every moment. It was saying goodbye, planning services, crying, yelling, shopping for outfits, looking for the right makeup and going though paperwork; all the mundane busywork that just illuminates the fact that in death, life continues to move forward and does not wait for you to be ready. It's almost unthinkable that no one really knows what someone is going through at the moment you maybe in line at a grocery store. That the biggest tragedy just took place for someone and they still must pick up some items. In his death, I saw her life; it is glorious in a way that is subtle yet loud. She is going to change the world for the better, I know this because she has changed mine.

My Big Lesson

Over the last couple of years I have had to really do some searching, not for a particular answer but for how I wanted to see my life & what I have left of it. In my experiences I allowed myself to get hurt from people that  do not matter and let myself be mis-handled when I knew better. I gave into the idea that people are good and the right thing will happen. I believed that Truth above all else prevails and the fight I needed to have should be better put to use for my health. What I have learned from this experience is that; Truth only speaks to those who open there eyes to the clarity of it and not the perception of chatter to it;  you have to fight the little battles in order to win the war; and most importantly loyalty is sometimes a one-way-street. It is the gamble you play in opening yourself up like the book you write everyday. That the strengths you have in order to navigate life are the obstacles others use to step up on.You have to enter cautiously but open, faithful but a realist and most of all accepting that sometimes you will fail. If I let this change me I would be giving into what I despise most about learning this lesson; and that would be a hateful person and that is just not an option. So with that said, I release my hurt & my anger, my idealism on Friendship and most of all I set free the part of me which lived in the world without color for a little while, I am seeing rainbows for the next half.