My Intent

Every morning I wake up I am blessed.

I know to the core of my being that I choose how I see my life and what I have left in it.

I have hurdles, I have faults 

I know that being the truest sense of self is not anything I am willing to give up the power too.

I make no apologies based upon the perception of my intent.

I relinquish that along with the ideals of having control over anything else but me.

I am beginning to define the richness that sometimes is buried under regret, fear and anger. 

I am allowing myself creative freedom in my portrait of self.

With Purpose

I walk with purpose, It's clear as can be

There's no fear ahead, the calm sets me free

What was done is the past, I don't live there you may;

Where I am headed I doubt you'll ever find the way

I set you free, I let it go 

What's done is done and I know what you know

I'll do what is best, what is right and what comes next

React as you've always done with fear and regret.

My defenition of Terminated

I did not leave, it was not by choice
You gave me no option, you gave me no voice
You filled the room with lies and hate
It's only your truth that fills up this empty space
Sit and ponder the ideals of what your reap
They are sewn in you soul, and only forgiveness you'll seek
Forgiveness you'll never get, It's not ever going to change
You are the Lion in this attack you chose the player of your game
You chose this path, I walked it clear
I don't have regret, you'll carry the fear
Look down now won't you; Bow your head and say a prayer 
You'll need to every day and night to breakthrough your tainted layer

Bye Bye Bye

Life is so great, it's a sigh of relief

A jig or a dance might be called for but it will be brief

Sing out loud and wish someone the best, while underneath contempt seeds lay to rest

It's OK, I understand; it's not about me, it's about the bigger thing the "MAN" you see

We all want it's accolades, we want the reward

Some of us sell our souls to ugly and some of us just are cold

Some of us smile and laugh 

Some of us filled with glee

What will I do now?,  who cares because I'm free


 

Everlasting Battle

Sometimes what you see isn't always what you get
It's taking the time to unwrap the gift and learning to accept
If we were all the same what fun would that be
You could see no difference if we weren't you and me 

What lesson would we learn and teach to our kids
If each of us could be labeled with all the same lid
The idealism of perfection would never be sought
We would not know it existed we'd think it's what we've got


We can be what we say and say what we like
Step on the backs of mankind that died just for the right 
On this day as there are many, and will be many more
We can fight the fight as others have done, and hope to win Life's war.

The Light in the Dark

There is something to say about having no power, not the power of your own personal strength but that of which we clearly have become so dependent upon. During the last day in our City what we saw was humanity. It was neighbors being neighborly, drivers being cautious and courteous, and people looking out for other people. There were candlelit dinners, games and caring. There were new introductions, new connections and maybe even a few feelings forgiven. I witnessed the good in people, and somehow in our daily busy lives we just forget it. Compassion which is the most important gift we are given sometimes gets shoved in the back under all the other items we carry as people. It's packed away only for moments when we think it is needed but I believe it is what shines the brightest when we are in darkness. Yesterday proved we all want to care and be cared for, it's the Golden Rule in the dark night.

Summer Bliss

This is the last weekend of summer for our little miss. I have been so fortunate to have had this time with her. It seems as if things happen for a reason once again in my life. I have been so lucky to have bonded with her in a way that has changed me. I know for sure what being a Mom is, being a role model and most of all being able to be there for her everyday like I have dreamed about. I never thought that opportunity would come, but it has and I took it and went all in. The change in our dynamics has been great, I know that she knows I am here for her and there is no better feeling of being a Mom then the gift I got of time. I know what comes next for me and it's a big hurdle, however I would not change a thing because the gift I unwrapped was greater than any obstacle that comes my way; Summer bliss with my little miss:)

Happy Birthday Hubby

To my awesome Husband who today is 41, it's been 19 years together and it seems like it was yesterday. I am so lucky to have him in my life. He is the one constant that I can count on. He is the type of Man that I hope our little miss looks to Marry in her future. He is kind, honest and always has my back even though he may know better. I love him more today then I did 19 years ago. He makes me laugh, he keeps me on my toes and most of all he loves me unconditionally. He has seen me struggle with my health and has been there to comfort me in my darkest hours. He has stepped up to anything our family has needed and has shown compassion beyond what most men are capable of. I know he is my soul mate for whatever time we are meant to be together and I look forward to the smiles and laughter ahead in raising our little miss. My life is better because of you and I wish you Happy Birthday....too many more together.

The most important chapter....

Today I celebrate the Birthday of our little miss. Six years ago today I was fortunate enough to be blessed with the most beautiful little spirited girl anyone could ever ask for. All wrapped up in 3 pounds and 13 ounces. I spent 71 days on bed rest to cook this little bundle and I would do it again, again and again. The amount of joy, love and laughter she brings to me is immeasurable. She is the extension of light, the breath that fills my lungs and the beat of my heart. She is everything and more to me and maybe someday she will understand that her being born was my greatest gift God has ever allowed me to be a part of. I will forever be Thankful for not only my life, but for allowing me to be in her's. I wish that everyday I can show her that love, kindness, forgiveness , empathy & compassion will move mountains; that her life will be bigger than any dream I have dreamed for her and my wish for her is that there are more good days than bad, more tears from laughter than of sadness and most of all that I love her with all that I am and all that I can ever give.....and to pass that on.

Round Three

How do I even begin? For the third time in my life I am facing Open Heart Surgery...ugh I tear up just typing it. I know exactly how I am feeling about this, I spent most of Friday crying about it. It does not matter how old you are, how much life experience you have, it all comes down to the fact that I am not ready to die. Now I know like all of us life is unexpected, we are not meant to be here forever, I totally get that. Where my fear comes from is picking the date for that to be an option. I have the will of a Lioness and the heart of a cub. Now I have to look through a calendar and pick the time. Should I wait for my daughter to graduate Kindergarten? Should I wait past Mother's Day, Father's Day, my Husbands birthday..... It's all these times that I think about the possibility of missing that brings me to my knees, it's the possibility of them being the last time I have. So what do I do? I cry, yell, kick and scream....then I take a breath and realize that I have no control over my destiny here and what will be will be. I stay strong and true to who I am and the possibility of who I will be when I wake up and see my family and friends, it's the only thing I truly wish for.