Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Are you trying to scare me!?

In order to protect all parties involved
This girl takes to writing this mystery to solve
It's sent and forwarded for perhaps all too see
But protected how well, who knows only me
It's about being smart, and knowing the next play
It's about seeing the truth instead trying to scare me away
I'll tell you what you want, as long as you do to
Like that's going to happen, your Corporate world is a Zoo
You manage like a keeper, dominate and bully
This girl knows it's Abracadabra Big Business Bull Foolery

 

Saturday, July 14, 2012

The rule of Karma as I see it...

Karma, we all love to see it play out. The truth is that it is rare. The idea that what you place out in the world comes back to you OR will get someone in the end just has to be all in the idea of Faith. It's hard to let go of the ideals of what we expect of others and even of ourselves. Karma often is my go to place. It's my own Faith that energy does work that way and I want to be aware of what kind of energy I place out in the world. Now I'm not saying I don't have my moments.... believe me quiet and meek has never been my strong suit. I am however self aware enough to apologize when I am wrong and let go of anger when I know I should. I do want the World to be a better place for my little miss, but I realize it starts with me. Changing your thinking is about changing the way you think. It's your own power that by making a few adjustments can change your life. It's about being willing to be wrong, being willing to work on making things right and about knowing when to do so. It's the power within and having faith in Karma.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

My Crazy Truth

As time goes by and I am still recovering from my 3rd open heart; I have been holding on to the tangible truth in which I feel is something to share. I know most of all that if I did not have this one thing, my family would have NOTHING. That is insurance; in the amount of 7 days so far my "Heart," has racked up bills in the amount of @ 187,090.81. That is a little more than $26K per day, and around $ 1200.00 per hour. Now insurance will cover MOST of that but our family will max the out of pocket expense for the year. The Crazy thing is, I am UN-insurable on my own. I am the little box on the form that when checked could cost our family all we have worked to build together. It simply is wrong. No one will ever get through life without NOT going to the Dr. NO one should have too. We have it wrong in this country that a "Benefit" is health care. It should be our right. This is just simply my crazy truth and will be until the day I leave this earth. Perhaps it's a thought when you make your decision based upon a little tax increase for you, that the effect will be felt throughout this Country. It's opening up your mind to see that it is "We the People" and not I.
 

Monday, May 21, 2012

Expectations of Friendship

I want to do the right thing
I don't have time for drama
I don't care what you have or if it blings
I don't care if your someone's babies mama 
I could care less who you sleep with, what you wear or you you pray too 
I don't care what party if any you gave too
I don't see you as what you drive, what you wear or the title you've been given
I could care less about the outside of the person in which you live in
It's all about who you are on the inside
If what you speak is also what you live by
If you are kind, truthful and funny
We will be friends for life, like bees to Honey
If you stand up when you know you should
If you hold your ground for the greater good
Its a blip that we here and I don't waste precious time,
So there it is; spelled out in a nice little poem of rhyme. 
 

Monday, May 14, 2012

My Sense Memory Paper from 6th Grade; Jen @ 10

Kudos to my Mom for keeping my Sense Memory Paper from 6th grade; it reads like this:

The first thing I wanted to say was that I am glad this experience happened to me. The day I went into the hospital was the same day I had a heart arrhythmia, which means your heart goes faster then slower then fast again, though it felt like a heart attack. I mostly remember how scared I was thinking I could die at any possible time, and I was only 10. I was at Silver Wing Elementary school and I told my teacher I had to go to the nurses office, I walked as fast as my feet would take me. When I got there the nurse called my Mom and Dad. My Mom was at the school in 20 minutes. She had thought to call an ambulance but she knew I would get scared, and she was right. When we got to the hospital my Dad was already there. At the hospital they put me in I.C.U, they started sticking needles in me and asking me all sorts of questions; like how I felt, where was the most pain coming from and what time did it start, I was so confused. All I wanted was my parents and my sister.

I was at the hospital for 10 days because they were suppose to do a catheterization which is a small surgery where they look at your heart from the inside. I never got that done because the Dr. was putting people ahead of me, so they let me go home. I was glad, but they told me I had to have Open Heart Surgery and to think of a certain date that I wanted it on. I thought about it and I had decided on September 9th. I don't know why I decided on that date it just didn't sound that close or that far away.

The times after that were terrifying, at first my chances were very rare, but there was still hope. The day I went into the hospital my Mom took a picture of me and my sister possibly for the last time. When I got there I got my room and just sat there with a complete blank asking myself can I do this? I knew the Doctors do the surgery but I was the one who had to know if I could cope with it for the rest of my life, and right there and then I knew I could. As the day went on my chances were raised and my parents were happy, before my chances were 85 living to 15 dying they were 65 to 45.

As the day kept getting closer to the time I knew I could do this and I was going to survive. Finally it was time, the Doctors came into the room with the bed and I began to cry, even though I was higher then a kite I knew what was going on because I could feel it in my surroundings. As they put me on the bed I could see my families faces, they looked horrible. As they rolled me down the hallway to the surgery my sister and I held hands tightly as my parents tried to keep my Grandma from dropping to the ground. From then on I don't remember much, but my Mom says it was and 8 hour surgery and it was the longest day of their lives. When I came out I still don't remember anything but my Mom says I said, " I'm coming home mom, I'm coming home."

For the next few days I was fine, I was suppose to be in the hospital for 1 month, I was out in 10 days. I think the worst things was when they took out the IV's. I had 12 of them. They only thing that hurt was when they took them out. Well I was glad to be home again and thanks to all the support I had I got through it faster.

The last thing I wanted to say was that I would never trade my experience with anything, because I think it was a good experience that God knew I could handle, and he was right, I did.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Self Discovery

It's been 31 days since open heart #3; I am feeling so grateful while still in some pain I reflect back to what it was like to take a deep breath then and now. It is such a dramatic difference in just a short period of time what a difference I feel. The Dr's say that this is nothing short of amazing since this type of surgery is not performed on adults. I was the 1st patient of this Dr. and am the 7th person in this Country to have my pacemaker implanted and wired in the current way it is. My medical  file is already being requested to teach and lecture on. Being able to possibly save another person's life by trying to save my own is completely unbelievable and humbling. I have spent most of my life fighting for just that, living each day with heart, sticking up for myself, being an advocate where I felt it was necessary and not backing down for anything. I know to the core what kind of person I am and who I will continue to strive to be. I look forward to the opportunity I have been given, it's not wrapped up all pretty sometimes; but the layers I get through are glorious. They are moments in time that continue to teach me, continue to challenge me and will continue to remind me to be Thankful for every bit of my life that I have the honor of living.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Awakened

It's another milestone on my journey through life
It's the gift I continue to unwrap as Ron's wife
It's hearing the voice of my sweet baby girl
It's holding my Mom's hand again as she comforts my newest turmoil
It's being alive, taking a breath
Saying thank you from the deepest of depth
It's making a choice while I'm here who I'll be
It's knowing I can rebuild, redefine who with just opportunity
It's not second or third chances, It's still just my one round
It's the gratitude record we should all have playing in our background
With all that being said here's to you and your life
I hope it will be all that you dream for yourself each and every night.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Last Words

The title for me is not what you may think
It's for me the humor I use in a blink
To mask the fear that I have ahead
To see the light in the dark of what's narrating in my head
While trying to say your right, I know; It will be fine
While pushing back tears that could flow my lifetime
It's not any different for me then for you
Were all connected creatures black, white or blue
I know that I don't know and I have accepted my fate
I'll still fight hard for what's been served on my plate
I have resolve and have no regrets
I stand by all my decisions
Ready, mark, set
So I say here I am and let go at the same time
It's life after all, I hope to keep mine
 

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Measure of Love

It's the way you smile at me in a room
It's the note you may leave me that I'll find around noon
It's taking my hand when there's no one around
It's being there at times when things are looking down

It's about being the first one I go to call
It's knowing who will catch me at times I may fall
It's seeing our life in our child eyes
Life's captured moments our most valuable prize

It's not about money, It's not about things
It's about Love & Life and the greatness it brings 







Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Year, New Lessons

It's not about the house you live in
It's not about the car you drive
It's not the label on your clothes
It's not who you know or where you may go
It's about the energy you bring to a room
It's knowing your power and using it for good
It's being compassionate, open and kind
It's about not caring what's yours and what's mine

It's not taking more than you need
It's not being a part of the creation of Greed
It's about life, love and soul
It's about what you make of it, it's about being whole

It's about finding your truth and accepting others the same
It's about giving someone what they need and not holding onto blame
It's for me what I'll strive for everyday that I can
It's a smile and a wink, it's the real grand slam