Self Discovery

It's been 31 days since open heart #3; I am feeling so grateful while still in some pain I reflect back to what it was like to take a deep breath then and now. It is such a dramatic difference in just a short period of time what a difference I feel. The Dr's say that this is nothing short of amazing since this type of surgery is not performed on adults. I was the 1st patient of this Dr. and am the 7th person in this Country to have my pacemaker implanted and wired in the current way it is. My medical  file is already being requested to teach and lecture on. Being able to possibly save another person's life by trying to save my own is completely unbelievable and humbling. I have spent most of my life fighting for just that, living each day with heart, sticking up for myself, being an advocate where I felt it was necessary and not backing down for anything. I know to the core what kind of person I am and who I will continue to strive to be. I look forward to the opportunity I have been given, it's not wrapped up all pretty sometimes; but the layers I get through are glorious. They are moments in time that continue to teach me, continue to challenge me and will continue to remind me to be Thankful for every bit of my life that I have the honor of living.

Awakened

It's another milestone on my journey through life

It's the gift I continue to unwrap as Ron's wife

It's hearing the voice of my sweet baby girl

It's holding my Mom's hand again as she comforts my newest turmoil

It's being alive, taking a breath

Saying thank you from the deepest of depth

It's making a choice while I'm here who I'll be

It's knowing I can rebuild, redefine who with just opportunity

It's not second or third chances, It's still just my one round

It's the gratitude record we should all have playing in our background

With all that being said here's to you and your life

I hope it will be all that you dream for yourself each and every night.

Last Words

The title for me is not what you may think
It's for me the humor I use in a blink
To mask the fear that I have ahead
To see the light in the dark of what's narrating in my head
While trying to say your right, I know; It will be fine
While pushing back tears that could flow my lifetime
It's not any different for me then for you
Were all connected creatures black, white or blue
I know that I don't know and I have accepted my fate
I'll still fight hard for what's been served on my plate
I have resolve and have no regrets
I stand by all my decisions
Ready, mark, set
So I say here I am and let go at the same time
It's life after all, I hope to keep mine
 

The Measure of Love

It's the way you smile at me in a room

It's the note you may leave me that I'll find around noon

It's taking my hand when there's no one around

It's being there at times when things are looking down

It's about being the first one I go to call

It's knowing who will catch me at times I may fall

It's seeing our life in our child eyes

Life's captured moments our most valuable prize

It's not about money, It's not about things

It's about Love & Life and the greatness it brings 

New Year, New Lessons

It's not about the house you live in

It's not about the car you drive

It's not the label on your clothes

It's not who you know or where you may go

It's about the energy you bring to a room

It's knowing your power and using it for good

It's being compassionate, open and kind

It's about not caring what's yours and what's mine

It's not taking more than you need

It's not being a part of the creation of Greed

It's about life, love and soul

It's about what you make of it, it's about being whole

It's about finding your truth and accepting others the same

It's about giving someone what they need and not holding onto blame

It's for me what I'll strive for everyday that I can

It's a smile and a wink, it's the real grand slam

 

The Color Purple

It was your favorite color

You wore it with a smile

It will stay with your forever now, your journey is Heavens mile

You and I crossed many paths, spent time and then let fade

It's the way life goes sometimes when work steps in one's way

You were the embodiment of I Love My Job, you showed it through and through

You'll be remembered by your friends and co-workers who knew that too be true

Your probably forming a team with God for a special project coming up

Take the infinite bull by the horns and fill thy forever cup

My Belief

For me; God and Religion are two separate ideas.

God is not someone I came from or I go to, God is love.

Religion is a claim to belong to the written word of God

Myself, I check the spiritual box...... I believe in Energy, in Prayer and in Karma and if I'm not careful they sometimes collide and can be destructive. Like anything I've experienced I either evolve or continue to get the little whispers until I hit the brick wall. I am here for such a small blip that the lessons sometimes get overlooked, and if I am not learning a little bit about myself, my friends and my family then I think I might be missing the mark of the honor of life. Love and Godliness for me are one in the same, and I will try to be as careful with this gift as I can with what I know for myself. Understanding this has eased the quest for "my purpose," God is with me all the days that I can give and receive love; and I believe it's just that simple:)

The Gift

Life is a moment, you never know how long

It could be a record, it maybe just one song

It’s joyful and reckless and sometimes it’s hard

It’s not to be regretful and it’s not to do harm

It evolves as you age and you can set yourself free

It’s one round on a game board, be mindful with thee

Life is the story we all get to write

May it be glorious, thoughtful, colorful and bright.

Self Work

I have been doing a lot of self work this year. I think as I get closer to 40 it just seems to be the natural progression of things. My perspective has changed a bit, I have not put as much energy as I used to in relationships that just have not evolved to where I thought they would. I have let go of a lot of ideals, definitions and needs that I realize I cannot live up to myself. Perception no longer worries me, I know that I am assertive and it comes from truth. I will not be taken advantage of, I will not settle for less and I expect more than I used to as I am capable of giving from another dimension of myself. I am so happy to feel free of the burdens that once kept me in a grey state, for the sunlight now shines through and I hope to reflect that in what I am able to give. I will continue to work and evolve because I want to be the best of myself I can while I am lucky enough to be present in this life.

Twisted up Rope Knot

What more can you do that has not been done.
I am not scared of you, it's you pointing the gun.
The barrel is empty and I know that to be true.
You've played with it long enough, your the fool aren't you?
There's no more to be said, I have let you be.
Now you've pissed me off, and that is just wrong; wait and see.
I'm more then willing to see it through,and anxiously wait to see what you've got.
It's no more than all the lies you told in your twisted up rope knot.
It's the rope I'll use to hang you on, thanks for making it so tight.
for it's the perfect fit for you and your angry foolish plight.